If you succeed in leaving your abuser, he may become obsessed with tracking you down. The established domestic violence shelter system may or may not work for you. Police officers have unique access to information, including the locations of local shelters and the ability to discover the location of any shelter. While going to a battered women’s shelter [personal account] can be a life-saving option for many victims, there are serious limitations to what any shelter can offer.
A shelter's policies may create barriers for you. For example, many shelters only accept women who are in immediate danger or have been recently physically abused. Shelter staff may require personal information that you are unwilling to give because it would jeopardize your safety. You may not wish to or be able to comply with shelter requirements that you file a police report or get an Order of Protection.
If you do go to a shelter, you and shelter staff must review the pros and cons of notifying local police. If there is reason to believe that they will extend "professional courtesy" to another officer and respond to his inquiries about your whereabouts, then the police should not be notified. If you both trust the local department to respond appropriately, then they should alert the police about your batterer’s likely attempts to locate and harm you.
Your fears are well-grounded about using any established system:
You may be very reluctant to confide in any advocate. You may see advocates as part of the criminal justice system, and the batterer makes it a point to remind you that he works closely with them. His message is clear: "Don't bother going to them, they know me; they won’t believe you."
Wherever you decide to go, you will need transportation. It's not safe for you to take your car because it is very easy for a member of law enforcement to track your vehicle.
If shelter is not the best option, consider all alternatives. Try and think of places your abuser would not know to look for you. For example:
Though it is hopeful and comforting to think that you can go "underground" and successfully avoid detection by your batterer, this is not a reality in our data-driven society. A false sense of security surrounds the options of changing a name and Social Security number. Even if you change your name and get a new number, your new (and old) information is available to many parties, including law enforcement.
Carefully weigh the long-term impact of this option. You will not be able to use any previous work, financial, medical, or school records. You will not have a birth certificate or be able to get a passport. If you have young children, going underground and changing your identity is nearly impossible.
If you decide to apply for a new Social Security number, you will be asked to provide documentation such as police reports, Orders of Protection, or letters from shelters where you stayed. If you don't have any documentation, your request will probably be denied. A domestic violence counselor or advocate may be able to intervene on your behalf.
Work on a safety plan based on remaining in your home if you predict your abuser will be obsessed with finding you, and you decide that staying visible is your safest option.